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The Dating Game

I must say that dating in 2018 is for the birds!!! The older I get; the less I can tolerate. Ladies and gentlemen, I don’t understand why we must play these games just to get to know someone.  Isn’t dating about trying to see who you are compatible with mentally, spiritually, physically, and hopefully in the future? Is it okay to date a plethora of people at the same time? Is it actually called dating when sex gets involved with more than one party in your “dating” scene? Can you get mad at he/she when you find out you’re not the only person he/she is seeing/dating?  Should you let the person that you are dating know your intentions upfront? Is this all too much to discuss during the dating stage?  Does dating even exist? These are all questions that definitely need answers.

What does dating actually mean??? Ladies and gentlemen, please understand that when you began the dating scene the person you are dating may have had other candidates prior to you.  That is what dating consist of. Dating means you are actually meeting people and getting to know them.  You are stepping out of your comfort zone and mingling with potential mates you may find interesting. You go out on social activities with each other in hopes to find a love connection.  Dating “someone”, in particular, is just that; you are exclusive.  You have narrowed down your selection and both parties have come to the conclusion that the others are no longer in the dating pool.  So to answer your question, “is it okay to date other people at the same time?”the answer is yes!!!  You should keep your options open until the two of you converse about where each other stand.  Especially if one of you in the dating relationship starts to have feelings for the potential mate.  Once the discussion is about being exclusive, then there should not be any secrets or hiding dating relationships from one another. This discussion should be done BEFORE sex is involved because that’s when all hell breaks loose and feelings get construed.  Let’s take this a little further.

Is having sex while dating cause for a monogamous relationship? You have to always remember when you are a single person all bets are off.   Everyone doesn’t think/feel the same way as you do. If communication isn’t part of the process;  do not get upset with the outcome.  That goes for sex as well.  If the two of you did not discuss prior to sex that you will be monogamous; then you cannot be mad with him/her if you find out you are not the only one he/she is having sex with.  If you want to have sex with only that person; then that is another topic that needs to be addressed; especially if you are risking catching an STD with someone you thought was being monogamous.  Please don’t forget that transparency and honesty are necessary for the dating game.  You must remember some people use the word “dating” as a tool to get sex.  You see it all the time on dating sites!!! They may not be looking for a long-term relationship.  That’s when you need to listen when they speak and pay attention to their actions. If the two doesn’t coincide; then run like hell!!! Chalk it up as a loss if you already gave up the coochie. Learn from it and move on to the next.

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Should you discuss your intentions upfront when dating? I am a stickler for being open, honest, transparent, and upfront.  You should too!!! It takes all the guesswork out of things.  If you can’t be upfront about your feelings and what it is you want or looking for in a potential mate; then you’re wasting each other’s time.  The truth will hurt sometimes because you may get an answer you didn’t want from that person.  But at least you know the deal upfront.  It is up to you to continue or walk away.  When dating over the age of 40, you would hope that your potentials are on a level of maturity that they would not shy away from “grown folks” conversation.  You should be able to tell that person if you are interested in them or not.  You should be able to tell that person that they are not the only person you are dating.  You should be able to tell that person if you plan on being celibate if that’s the case.  Sometimes your truth is a way of clearing the pathway for who is for you.  If he/she isn’t willing to hang around because of your boundaries or decisions; then you shouldn’t waste any time on them.  Most of the time you can tell who is interested or not just by paying attention.  If they are always busy, texting excessively instead of actually conversing with you, spending less time with you, and/or not showing any interest; then you know the deal.  He/She is just not into you or into someone else!! Sometimes they may not even consider you as someone they are even dating, but enjoy your company and put you in the friend zone.   Because you didn’t have that discussion; you are up shit creek.  You could have saved yourself a lot of heartache and pain.  It’s time to keep it moving.

It is important to talk openly with your potential(s) and let he/she know what it is you want or looking for when dating.  If you have open communication from the start; you will get the answers to what you want to know. It’s important to have an open dialogue amongst your partner(s).  Why go into dating and not know where you stand with someone?  If you do that, you will regret it later.

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